If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
