So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Randomize
