Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
