Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
