Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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