my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
