spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
