Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
