at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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