in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
