Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
