Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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