I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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