I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
