Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
