I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
