haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
