can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
