remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
