i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
