Define "chronic" masturbator.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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