i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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