grandma shit on top of the toilet
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
