I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just want nice things and good sex
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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