so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
COCAINE IS GR8
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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