unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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