When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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