I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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