I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
