it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's rum buckets o'clock
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
