They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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