just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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