Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
