This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
