you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My feet surprised me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
