Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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