So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
