I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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