I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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