What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
