why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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