ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
