He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
