i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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