i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
