Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
