i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Randomize
