Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
