I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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