end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
